My complicated relationship with food

The main thing that I've learned about my organism, I shouldn't try to lose weight by avoiding food.
In the moments like these, consequences of eating disorder (not a pleasent period of my life called "anorexia") mess up all the hormonal and endocrinal processes in my organism.

The idea of not being perfectly shaped in the physical kind of way has always followed me like a nightmare. Despite of the fact that I've always been told opposite.
I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, I mean I'm pretty aware that people find me attractive. But looking at the mirror I always find something what doesn't fit my own high standarts.
I'm wearing 36 size in europe standartization (not sure about another countries, but it's like 8 in UK and XS-S in general), but still find my thighs too wide.

And for this inferiority complex I'm paying a bit too high price, having all those female troubles, low blood pressure, low body temperature. I'm not even sure I can have kids. I don't even want one, but it's always nice to have a chance if you'd change your mind.

Polka dot

Ordered yesterday and I'm quite happy with that.

Hello there

In the glory of my vanity, I decided to start a personal blog.

Well not very personal, since I consider there'll be some readers, but still closed and hidden from my irl friends.

As if they're still interested in stuff like that.

And as on my other accounts on the net I'll be writing in english. It's became a habit I guess.

But yeah enough with the introducing words.

Let's face it I'm here to whining about different stuff that's surrounded me. And usually I'm surrounded by co-workers since I spend like 10 hours on the job. Mostly because I really like my job. If you didn't know, but I'm a software-engineer, who's currently pretending she's good in doing web stuff, such as applications, sites, design etc.

I'm usually... I like to create, like to do shitload of tasks in the same time, come with the ideas, trying to do this or that or god-knows-what.

I remember last year I had been working on two jobs, doing some university stuff, trying to get a degree, studing english for international exam, sometimes hanging out with friends.

I know this autumn changed everything, even me, cuz no doubts something clicked and I'm still in the ambivalent period when I want start to live the pleasant life filled with joys, new pastimes (drawing for example) etc, but instead of it I'm sitting in front of monitor and writing this. Lack of occupationg is killing me, mum would have disapproved it if she had been alive.

Ramblings, ramblings, ramblings. I'm full of them.